A picture is worth a thousand dollar fine

A server came to me asking me to verify an ID at a table. I walk up the the guest, introduce myself and say, “my server asked me to double check your ID.”

She answers with, “I forgot my ID….” And starts reaching for her phone, “but I have a picture of it.” And shows me a picture of her license.

I should’ve said ok and then show her a picture of a drink.

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Thick headed

A woman starts to cough and then spits. Then says, in order to justify her spitting, “I have a whole lot of thickness in my throat.”

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You got screwed

Two girls sitting at a table.

Birthday girl, “I’m going to be 28 this Friday and I’ve never had sex on my birthday. Just when I think it will happen, it looks like I’ll be on my period. This sucks.”

Friend, “Well, looks like you are getting fucked on your birthday.”

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Who the fuck are you? Who who

A ticket was sent to the kitchen with the name “fucking Steve” on it.

I went back to get the food and one of the cooks asked, “who’s ‘fucking Steve’?”

My reply, “I dunno, probably his wife.”

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You little……

Two girls talking…..

“I hate redheaded sluts”

A guy walks by and says, “I have no idea why.”

They were talking about shots

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You can’t get there from here

“I don’t want to go there, no one ever goes there. It’s too crowded.”

Obviously discussing going to another bar or club.

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Honeymoon in India

Girls at the bar discussing Christmas and gift giving at Office parties.

“I always get fucked on a white elephant.”

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